I accepted her request. I asked for advice from some on the matter, was given opinions from others without ever asking. It's all moot anyway. It is not an invitation into my life, it's not an open door, an outward reaching hand. It's not a brick wall either.
It is what it is. It's something I feel was necessary, couldn't be avoided forever, etc etc. But you know what they say about what happens if you give a mouse a cookie. That mouse is going to be all up ons your life and criticizing your hair, body, skin, words, boyfriends, clothes, and anything else she an scrutinize via internet. Or something about a glass of milk. Either way really.
People in my family are dropping like flies. My father and his mother haven't been speaking for the last three years or so and she's gone now, leaving their issues unresolved forever. I recognize that I am my father's daughter. I'm stubborn, an excellent grudge holder, and I don't feel the need to love many people.
I don't know how to love my mother. Maybe she'll find this off my facebook page, maybe she's more web savvy than I give her credit for. Maybe these words will be the knife stabbing her in her gut. Maybe she won't understand what she did.
Maybe I won't be surprised.
But I can't change who I am. And I am not someone who loves unconditionally. There is only so much a person can take before the door slams, before they become a brick wall. The bricks are stacked, but there's no cement yet. This is your last chance.
Don't fuck it up.